Hearts Renewed Read online

  Her mother laughed. "You know that we would all love to meet her."

  "I think she'd fit right in, but I don't know if that's possible."

  "Are you going to see her tomorrow?"

  "She wasn't sure if she could get away. I'm going to wait for her for a bit in the afternoon, but I kind of think she won't make it." Carrie brightened. "She promised me the next day though. That'll be the last time."

  Carrie's mother seemed to struggle for words. "I promised myself I wouldn't say it, but I can't help it. Be careful."

  Carrie sighed. "I think it's too late for that, Mom. But I promise not to sink into a huge depression over it. Okay?"

  "I love my boys, Carrie, but there's a special place in my heart that belongs only to you. There always will be."

  Carrie sat up and hugged her mother before she dragged herself off to bed.

  ~***~

  Chapter Six

  She packed light for her next trip up river. She felt obligated to go, but she knew that Gretchen wouldn't be there. It was a measure of that certainty that she didn't bother to take her clothes off before reaching the small beach. Arriving naked had become somewhat of a ritual and today it just wasn't necessary. It was still a pleasure to be alone in the place where they had made love. Carrie imagined she could still hear Gretchen's orgasmic cries echoing from the hills and the sound of her singing in the air.

  She laughed at the memory. She really did have a hideous singing voice. The timbre was good, but it bore no resemblance to any known musical tones. Hearing her sing had been the most endearing thing about Gretchen and she almost felt bad about encouraging her to sing to her camping buddies.

  Carrie sat in the sand and drank from a bottle of water while she remembered. She thought she heard her name and looked excitedly upstream, but Gretchen wasn't there. She relaxed and heard it again. She stood up and searched, but there was still no sign of her. The sound came again and she turned to see Trevor downstream, waving his arms over his head.

  "What?" She yelled back.

  "…camp!"

  Carrie took a few uncertain steps, instantly consumed by worry. "What?"

  "She…camp!"

  Carrie still didn't understand, but he seemed excited rather than worried, so she jogged towards him. As she closed the distance, she called out. "What's going on?"

  "Your girlfriend! She's at our camp!"

  Carrie almost tripped in surprise. "Is she okay?"

  "Yeah."

  She slowed to a walk as she got close enough to see that he was winded. "What happened?"

  "She walked up to Bruce like she knew him and asked him to invite her to stay. She was with some other women, but she didn't want them to know that we knew who she was. Mom was making a plan when Eric sent me for you."

  Carrie couldn't believe what she was hearing. "She's at our camp? Right now?"

  "If I know Mom she is," he grinned. "Give me your pack. You can run faster without it." Carrie shrugged out of her pack and handed it to him. "I ran all the way here," he explained. "I'm going to walk back."

  Carrie turned to go. "Thanks, Trey."

  "Hey, Carrie!" He said as she began to move away. "She's really built. Way to go."

  Carrie grinned in embarrassed pride. "Shut up, you pig." She broke into an easy lope and the terrain was no hindrance. She picked up her pace and began to hurdle rocks and cut around trees as if she was born to do it. Her lungs seemed to expand and she was in tune with her body in a way that included everything around her. She lost track of the mechanics of what she was doing and ran with full enjoyment and anticipation.

  Before she knew it, she was running up the trail and into camp. Gretchen was sitting at the picnic table with most of her family in attendance and Carrie came to an abrupt halt. "Are you okay?"

  "Of course she is," her mother snorted.

  Gretchen stood up and came to her. "I hope this was okay?"

  Carrie couldn't help it. She put her arms around her and hugged her tight.

  "I had to see you and it was all I could think of," Gretchen whispered in her ear.

  Carrie could feel her family watching and it made her uncomfortable. She took Gretchen's hand. "We have to talk for a minute," she told them. She ignored their ribbing and led Gretchen to a spot that overlooked the river. "It's completely okay that you're here. I just don't understand."

  Gretchen sighed. "My group banded together this morning and announced that I shouldn't be running off all the time. They had all sorts of lame reasons. They were worried: it was disruptive: it wasn't healthy for me to be alone: lions and tigers and bears, oh my!"

  Carrie grinned at the reference.

  "It was like a damned intervention. I knew if I told them about you they would still object and if I had a fit and took off, they would come after me. I tried to kick back and let the day go, but the closer it got to noon, the more it hurt not to be able to see you and I felt bad that you would be stuck there waiting while I was trapped in camp."

  "I didn't mind."

  "I did!" Gretchen's hands randomly plucked at Carrie's shirt and ran over her shoulders. "So I thought about it and I hoped that if I could arrange an invitation to be with other people, they would have to let me stay or they'd look controlling. I wanted to get here before you left, but…"

  Carrie leaned in and kissed her. "How did you get here?"

  "I offered to buy them all hot showers."

  Carrie laughed at her ingenuity.

  "If you pay the day use fee you get access to the showers," Gretchen explained. "They thought it was a peace offering. While they were showering, I found your camp-you all really do look alike, you know-and I just walked up to the closest one and introduced myself."

  "Bruce."

  "He's handsome," Gretchen teased, "but you're definitely the pretty one."

  Carrie hugged her again. "Not as pretty as you. So how did it all get worked out?"

  "Bruce told me he would handle it. I went back and took a shower and when we were getting into the van, your mother and three of your brothers walked up. Your mom is a hoot. She invited us all to spend the day and have dinner. She suggested that one us might find one of her sons interesting."

  Carrie laughed. "I imagine that didn't go over well."

  "Like lead feathers. I asked your mom if she was available and…"

  Carrie held onto Gretchen's shoulder while she doubled over in laughter.

  "…She took my arm and said that she might be. I thought Linda was going to start frothing at the mouth, but Bruce promised to keep me safe and see that I got back to camp later. I expect it will be really horrible when I go back, but I don't care. It'll just give me a good reason to split tomorrow."

  "Oh, God," Carrie laughed. "I wish I'd seen it."

  "If they had seen you, they would have known by my face. Did you run all the way back?"

  "Yeah."

  "For me?"

  Carrie pulled her in for another kiss. Mindful that there were people near, she kept it light. "You look good in clothes."

  "So do you. But I wish…"

  "We'll find some time later. I promise."

  They walked back to camp hand in hand and Gretchen was surrounded. She seemed comfortable so Carrie let her go. It made her jealous to have to share her, so she walked over and sat down next to her mother to help shuck the corn for dinner. "Tell the truth, Mom. Were you tempted?"

  Her mother laughed and slapped her arm. "You were right. She is feisty and clever."

  "Did she really ask if you were available?"

  "She sure did. Her companions were none too happy, I can tell you that. We invited the lot of them, but if it didn't make them mad it seemed to scare them. They took her aside and really lit into her, but she stuck to her guns. I hope she doesn't run into trouble with them."

  Carrie did, too. "I think they're just being protective. It's kind of a support group and maybe they feel threatened that she doesn't need as much support as they think she should have."

 
; "Well, do-gooders tend to do the most damage. Your father always said that. They're so convinced they're right and they know what's best that they can't see the harm they do."

  Carrie remembered her father saying that exact thing. He had been a proud, opinionated man who believed that real Americans thought for themselves and left each other alone. "I miss Dad. I don't know how you manage."

  "I just do, honey. I miss him terrible now and then, but I expect I'll see him again someday."

  "If you behave yourself," Carrie teased.

  "For pity's sake, girl! I can't believe you talk to your old mother that way. And after all I've done for you. I was in labor for twenty-two hours to bring you into this world."

  "You labored over Bruce for twenty-two hours," she corrected playfully. "I only took 9 minutes."

  "Nine minutes over my knee will fix that smart mouth of yours."

  Carrie loved it when her mother teased like that. It made her want to giggle. She watched Gretchen talking and laughing at the table as if she had known them all for years. "Thanks for helping her, Mom."

  "Anything to make my baby girl happy."

  Carrie felt incredibly loved in that moment and wasn't sure how to express it. Trevor came up the path and she excused herself to go and get her pack from him. "Thank you, Trey. I really appreciate it."

  "No problem." He reached into a cooler for beer and nodded at Gretchen. "She seems to be fitting in just fine."

  "You guys make it easy." Love bubbled up and she had to let it out. "You know, I never say it, but you guys are the best family a lesbian could have. It's never an issue with any of you that I fall in love with women. All I ever have to worry about is whether or not you'll like her and you guys had to worry about the same thing. I'm so lucky and I love you all so much."

  Trevor squinted at her as if confused. "I think you've been spending too much time in the sun."

  Carrie shook her head and began to laugh as he walked away. Cards were being pulled out at the table and she went to join them.

  ~***~

  Chapter Seven

  All of the children and Uncle Gus were in bed and Carrie had Gretchen in her arms on a lounge chair. Her face was on a level with Gretchen's neck and she lay in perfect contentment, breathing in the scent of her and listening as her family divulged all of her childhood secrets.

  "…The way I heard it," Gretchen laughed, "was that you threw her off."

  "The whole thing was just a misunderstanding," Eric insisted. "I was only nine years old and I didn't understand physics."

  "Or aerodynamics," Julian put in. "I still can't believe I got in trouble for that. It was your idea."

  "You were the one who suggested that if we were going to do it right we should use the best sheets in the house."

  Carrie's mother rubbed at her face. "I still can't laugh about it. That was the most awful day. Trey was a toddler and he'd gotten away from me. I knew he was in the house, but I couldn't find him. I was looking under Bruce's bed-he had chicken pox-and he suddenly screamed and started crying about his arm and then Eric and Julian came pelting down the stairs hollering about how something didn't work. I knew they were up to no good so I followed them and I swear, I thought my little girl was dead."

  It always made Carrie's heart hurt when her mother talked about that day. That she was so affected by it, after more than thirty years, that she still couldn't find anything funny about it made Carrie feel a little sick at how she must have felt way back then.

  "She was covered with blood and Bruce was in some kind of pain and I couldn't find the baby…"

  Carrie whispered into Gretchen's ear. "Look at Eric and Julian." They were both pale and guilt-ridden and Gretchen nodded. "They're still paying for it."

  "Hey," Trevor said. "Do you remember the frogs in the creek?"

  Everybody laughed as if on cue and even her mother started to smile. "I thought it was very clever." She turned to face Gretchen to explain. "When she was about 14, she started running around the neighborhood doing odd jobs, but she never had any money. We couldn't figure out what she was doing with it. It was only by accident that her father saw her in a pet store one day and got curious."

  "She was buying frogs?" Gretchen asked.

  Bruce laughed and shook his head. "She was buying snakes."

  Carrie spoke just loudly enough to be heard by all. "The frogs were making so much racket I couldn't sleep. I had to do something." Gretchen began to chuckle and Carrie could feel the vibrations in her chest.

  "She was turning snakes loose in the creek to eat the frogs," her mother said proudly. "By the end of summer it was pretty quiet."

  "People still find wild pythons now and then," Trevor said. "I've seen a few myself."

  "What about the time she stole Mr. Bertoldi's dog and gave her a haircut?" Julian noted.

  "He wasn't taking care of her," Carrie objected.

  Eric piped in. "Remember the time she swiped Betsy's dad's Playboys and hid them under our mattresses only to rat us out to Mom?"

  "Or when she busted Allen McIntyre's nose?" Bruce added.

  "What about the time she made us cookies with chocolate Exlax instead of chocolate chips?"

  "Or when she put Easter egg dye in the whipped cream and it turned our mouths green?"

  "She cancelled all of my utilities on the second day in my first apartment," Trevor laughed.

  "She voted for me as a write in on the cheerleader squad," Bruce grimaced.

  "I remember coming home from our honeymoon," Phoebe said, "to find our house completely over run with little white mice."

  "She glued my drawers shut. Twice!"

  "Lies," Carrie whispered to Gretchen. "All lies. Don't pay any attention to them. They've been drinking."

  Gretchen leaned back into her and turned her face up. "So none of it is true?"

  Carrie hesitated for effect. "It was self-defense."

  "Was it now?" Gretchen laughed.

  "They aren't telling all the stuff they did to me! Trey took my lesbian underwear to school for show and tell. Bruce told everyone I was a transsexual and took up donations for my operation. Julian sewed all of my pant legs shut and Eric used to put my hands in warm water while I slept to make me wet the bed. They were mean to me."

  Everyone, including Gretchen, was howling with laughter and Carrie snorted in feigned disgust. She rose up on an elbow and surveyed them. "You all deserved it. Every bit."

  Gretchen rolled back and slipped her arm around Carrie's waist. "Do you want me to believe that you were sweet and innocent?"

  "Yeah."

  "That you were tormented and persecuted by these ruffians?"

  "I was!"

  "Okay," Gretchen smiled. "I'll try."

  "At least someone believes me." There was some easy-going teasing, but Carrie was only aware that her breast was touching Gretchen's. "Do you want to go for a drive?" she asked softly.

  Gretchen smiled and sat up. "I should get back to camp. It's awfully late."

  Carrie's mother stood up and pulled Gretchen into a hug. "It was wonderful to meet you, dear. Feel free to come back anytime and if those friends of yours turn out to be more than you can handle, we'll see that you get home."

  "Thank you. By the way, where was Trevor that day?"

  "In his crib napping. Exactly where I left him."

  Carrie kicked Bruce in the leg while Gretchen was laughing and demanded his truck keys. "Not a word," she warned.

  "It doesn't take a psychic to know what you two will be doing," he laughed.

  "You're a worm, Bruce."

  "And you're a tom cat on the prowl."

  Carrie ignored the catcalls from the campfire and guided Gretchen to the truck.

  "I like your family a lot," Gretchen said over the starting of the engine. "They seem like really great people."

  "I like to think so."

  "You're close to them."

  Carrie glanced at Gretchen as she drove slowly out of the campground and headed slowly up the
hill. "We're closer now than we were as children. That was one of the best things about growing up: getting to know each other as adults and finding out that we liked one another. I only wish my dad were still here. You would have liked him."

  Gretchen was watching intently out the front window, relentlessly curling a strand of hair around her finger.

  "Are you worried about your group?" Carrie asked with some concern.

  Gretchen shook her head slowly. "Not really. There's a turnout on your side coming up pretty quick. Pull into it."

  Carrie spotted it a few minutes later and guided the truck off the road. She set the parking brake and turned off the lights and engine. It was very dark and Gretchen was just a shadow. The ticking of the motor was almost the only sound. Carrie whispered, "What are you thinking about?"

  "Nothing," Gretchen said in an equally soft tone. "Just listening to you breathe. I can smell you-like rain and fresh mown grass. My heart is beating like a brass band on the Fourth of July."

  "Mine, too. I don't remember ever aching to touch someone before. It's got to be the nicest pain there is."

  Gretchen's voice was soft and low. "Come over here."

  Carrie turned her back to Gretchen and slid towards her over the bench seat. Arms came around her and she lay back into them with complete trust. She slid one arm around Gretchen's waist and the other around her neck as Gretchen began to kiss her slowly. She seemed different in the dark and Carrie let her set the pace. Their lips and tongues slid over and around and into each other in the most delightful fashion and it made Carrie dizzy. She was aware when Gretchen's hand slid inside her shirt to cup a breast and Carrie ached at her touch.

  Gretchen ran her hand over her breasts, content to feel them inside the cotton bra. She eventually reached around her and deftly unhooked it. "I want you naked," Gretchen whispered into her mouth.