Hearts Renewed Page 8

  Carrie nodded breathlessly as Gretchen's fingers moved to her shorts. Willing to do anything she asked, it seemed only a moment and Carrie was nude and kneeling astride Gretchen's legs. They kissed deeply as Gretchen's hands explored her in the dark-as interested in the structure of her back as in the texture of her inner thigh.

  "Gretchen," Carrie gasped as her passion thickened. "Do you know what you do to me?"

  "Yes," Gretchen said huskily. "I make you crazy. I make you hot." Her lips closed briefly on a throbbing nipple. "I make you need it."

  "Please, Gretchen…"

  "Not yet…"

  Carrie did need it. She tried to get hands under Gretchen's clothing and was diverted. She tried to rub her groin on Gretchen's leg or hip and was held back. She tried to push Gretchen's hands between her legs and didn't have the strength. She didn't think it was possible to be this aroused without coming, but Gretchen was determined to take her time and Carrie could hear herself whimpering. "Please, Gretchen. Please, now!"

  Gretchen's mouth moved from breast to breast, licking and biting and sucking until Carrie gradually stiffened at the unbearable pleasure she felt. It became too much and she shuddered through what felt like an orgasm, but took away none of the passion she felt.

  "So beautiful," Gretchen groaned.

  Carrie was frantic now and her teeth chattered helplessly as Gretchen's hand slid between her legs. Fingers entered her and Carrie dropped her head to Gretchen's shoulder and began to rock on the heel of her hand. In only a few blissful moments, she began to come in slow, inexorable waves and she chased each and every one to its end.

  "Oh, Gretchen. Sweet Gretchen." She wrapped her arms around Gretchen's shoulders as she was rocked to and fro. "I don't even know if I can describe it."

  "Sh. Don't talk, Carrie. Just let me hold you."

  Carrie buried a hand in soft hair and relaxed. She was perfectly content to stay in Gretchen's arms till daybreak. Her skin had ceased to exist where Gretchen wasn't touching it and when the rocking came to an end Gretchen sighed.

  "Time to go, Carrie."

  "What about you?"

  "Feeling you come like that was all I needed and we still have tomorrow."

  ~***~

  Chapter Eight

  Gretchen stood in the dark and listened to the sound of the truck as it got further and further away. Knowing they would be together in the morning left her feeling peaceful and content. When the sounds of the night and distant voices were all she could hear, Gretchen carefully walked through the night towards the flickering campfire. The entire group was sitting around the fire and their voices stilled as she approached.

  "You guys should have stayed," she said brightly in hopes that it would diffuse any hostility. "They were really sweet people."

  "I guess that means we aren't," Brooke grumbled.

  "I'm just saying that you would have had a good time."

  "I think something is going on," Linda said suspiciously. "You disappear every day-all day-and you just happen to get invited to spend the day with total strangers?"

  "They invited all of us," Gretchen said firmly. "You are the ones who didn't want to make new friends."

  Kirsten eyed her carefully. "I agree with Linda. I think you met someone on the river and you don't want us to know. I can still tell when a woman is falling in love."

  Gretchen ignored the oddness of that statement and put her hands on her hips. "Is that what all of you think?"

  Wendy ducked her head, but the others stared at her with a variety of emotions. Rachel cleared her throat. "We think you arranged the…scenario…at the showers today. The truth is, if you have met someone, it's not really our business. But we are worried about you and we feel we have a right to express concern over your actions. We only have each other to count on up here and you are isolating yourself more and more from our support."

  "We feel obligated to watch out for your safety," Noreen said gently. "If anything bad happens to you, we are the ones who will have to deal with it."

  "When we accepted that responsibility," Rachel said, "you accepted some responsibility, too."

  Gretchen knew there was truth in what they said. Something in her gut told her there was a flaw in their argument, but she couldn't find it. She opened her mouth to tell them about Carrie, but Linda cut in angrily.

  "We have a right to know where you're going and who you're with. You owe us that."

  Linda's attitude pushed all the wrong buttons and her temper flared. "I have been very clear about where I've been. If you don't want to make friends, that's your business. I do. That's my business. The first time I went off alone, I invited every single one of you to go with me and no one wanted to. That's fine with me. But don't start whining now because you didn't go. If what you want is for me to hang around and wallow in pain with you-well, I'm sorry. I just can't do that. Not all day, every day."

  "Not ever," Brooke accused.

  "I resent your accusation that what we do is wallow in pain," Linda growled.

  "I'm so sorry," Gretchen snapped. She could feel her anger spiraling out of control and she desperately wanted to hold it back, but she couldn't stop. "Please forgive me for speaking so carelessly. I just have a hard time being nice when other people try to run my life. Especially when they aren't doing such a great job of running their own."

  "That's not fair," Noreen objected.

  "Neither is ganging up on me! I had a good time tonight, which none of you wanted to be a part of, and now I'm getting grief for it! You ganged up on me first thing this morning and now you're doing it again! How is that fair?" Gretchen jerked backwards as Rachel stood up and attempted to take her arm.

  "Hey, let's calm down," Rachel said anxiously. "There's no need for all of us to get upset. All we want is to make sure that you're safe."

  "By letting this group dictate to me?"

  "Not necessarily. Come on, Gretchen. Come sit down and we'll work this out."

  Gretchen let herself be guided to the remaining lawn chair. She kept her back teeth firmly together in an effort to control her tongue, but she wanted to kick the fire around and scream.

  Rachel sat down and looked everyone over. "Let's not lose sight of the fact that Gretchen is a grown woman and has proven that she is perfectly capable of taking care of herself. Our purpose is only to make sure she doesn't come to harm over the next day and a half." She turned her eyes on Gretchen. "Now. None of us are stupid. You've met someone. We need your reassurance that you are safe with her."

  Gretchen bit her tongue hard to keep anger from turning to tears. "I am."

  "I knew it!" Linda crowed.

  "That's enough, Linda!" Rachel was angry. "You're making it harder for her to trust us and I won't have it. Whether she knows it or not, she needs us and you're deliberately antagonizing her. If you can't show some respect and understanding, go sit in the van till we're done."

  Linda tried not to look defeated, but Gretchen could see it. That Rachel was willing to set Linda down told her that Rachel's concern was genuine and she felt bad about getting angry.

  "Okay," Rachel said. "You've met someone. We can all see that you have feelings for her. Congratulations."

  Gretchen looked down at Wendy's hand on her arm and the first tear escaped.

  "Does she make you happy?" Wendy asked in her soft voice.

  Gretchen's tears flowed instantly and she couldn't hold back a sob of longing. "Yes," she whispered. She put her head back and began breathing through her mouth to make herself stop crying.

  "Did you meet her at the campground?" Noreen asked.

  "No. On the river. By accident."

  "But she was there today."

  Gretchen nodded as she got herself under control and wiped her tears away.

  Kirsten leaned forward. "What about your feelings for Alaine? Pain doesn't just go away."

  "Maybe not," Gretchen agreed. "But after a while it becomes background noise and you can stop listening to it. Granted, what Alaine did
hurt me, but I don't want her back. I stopped wanting her when I found her in my bed with those men. The hope that she was the one for me is fading slowly, but the wanting died in an instant."

  "Why did you join our group?" Brooke asked.

  Gretchen thought it over. "I guess I wanted…permission to stop hurting."

  "Good answer," Noreen blurted out. She barked a laugh, paused and started laughing again. "Permission to stop hurting. I like that." She shook her head and chuckled softly to herself.

  "Does this new woman give you that permission?" Rachel asked.

  "Yes." Gretchen reconsidered. "No. Being with her allows me to give myself permission."

  Brooke frowned. "I think you're in denial."

  Gretchen sighed impatiently. "At what point does it stop being denial and become getting on with my life? It's been almost 4 months since I kicked Alaine out. Do I have to wait a certain amount of time? How much? Six months? A year? Three years? When do I get to say it's over and move on?"

  Brooke spread her hands out. "I just don't think you've dealt with it yet. Not really."

  Gretchen felt exasperated with Brooke. "Why?"

  "Well, you hardly ever talk about it and you never cry…"

  "I cried plenty," Gretchen admitted. "I just don't cry about it in front of you. I didn't realize it was a requirement."

  "I'm just saying…"

  "Everyone handles it differently," Rachel interrupted. "It's not right to judge the depth of someone else's pain by your own standards. Some people cry, some get angry, some never get over it and some seem unaffected. Personally, I think Gretchen is over the worst of her issues with Alaine. Time will handle the rest."

  Gretchen was grateful for the support.

  "What does concern me," Rachel said directly to Gretchen, "is that you don't create new pain to replace the old. I'm concerned about this new relationship. What do you really know about her? How does she feel about you? What happens at the end of our trip? And how will your heart handle it if it's over?"

  "She's a good person," Gretchen said quickly. "I know enough about her to make that judgement. And I think she has feelings for me, too. But…I think it's a spur of the moment affair for both of us. I expect we'll go our separate ways."

  "How do you feel about that?"

  Gretchen brought her urge to cry under control before she answered. "I think it's the way it has to be, but that doesn't have to ruin our time together."

  Linda finally spoke. "Are you going to see her tomorrow?"

  Gretchen lifted her chin defiantly. "Yes. I am. I'm leaving as soon as I wake up and I don't know when I'll be back. I promise to be here before we break camp the next day. I would appreciate it if no one came looking for me unless there's an emergency."

  Linda snorted her displeasure. At Rachel's glare she got up and stomped off to bed. "How far down river will you be?"

  "It's a 45 minute walk or so. We're right on the water, out in the open. I won't be hard to find."

  "And you trust her to keep you safe? She knows what she's doing?"

  "Yes," Gretchen said confidently. She thought of Bruce's link to Carrie. "She stays in touch with one of her brothers constantly. If anything happens he'll know immediately and they can run there in 15 minutes or so."

  Rachel smiled. "That's all I care about, Gretchen. I just want to know that you're safe. Just keep it all in perspective. If you need to talk about it, you know we're here for you."

  Gretchen nodded and Rachel took one of the lanterns with her to the tent. Kirsten followed her and a moment later Brook did, too. She could see the outlines of the four women on the

  tent's walls; the murmur of their voices indistinct.

  "So," Noreen said with affected casualness. "Is she any good?"

  Gretchen blushed head to toe. "Amazing." Wendy sweet laughter danced through the air like butterflies on Ecstasy. The sound was contagious and she and Noreen had to join in.

  ~***~

  Chapter Nine

  Carrie had packed everything she thought they might need or want for the next day in the largest pack she could find as soon as she got back to camp. She left it next to the inner tube and cooler by the river and went to bed. She dozed fitfully, afraid she would oversleep and just before 3 in the morning, she gave up.

  Moving quietly, she dressed, grabbed a flashlight and picked up her gear. In the dark, her 15-minute run of the previous afternoon took more than an hour and a half of careful navigation through the water. By the time she reached their beach, her legs were numb from the knee down and her teeth were chattering. She knew it was foolish to put herself in such straits, but she didn't care.

  She wasn't surprised that Gretchen wasn't there yet. She didn't expect her for hours and with almost two hours till dawn, her first order of business was building a fire. She curled up next to it wrapped in a blanket and allowed her body to warm up before turning the beach into a campsite. She had the coffee almost ready when she spotted a flashlight bobbing towards her in the pre-dawn darkness. She stood opposite of the fire so Gretchen could see her and tried to contain her joy. Gretchen dropped her pack and jacket to the ground and Carrie held open the blanket that was draped over her shoulders to welcome her into her arms.

  "You're so warm," Gretchen said with a contented sigh. "And you've got a fire and coffee going. How long have you been here?"

  "A little over an hour. I couldn't sleep."

  "I didn't think you'd be here yet."

  "Can I make you breakfast?"

  Gretchen chuckled. "How much stuff did you bring?"

  "Everything I could think of," Carrie admitted. "At least, everything I could get here in one trip."

  Gretchen looked around and back to Carrie's face. "Through the water? In the dark?"

  "I know it was stupid," Carrie said. "I couldn't help it." She smiled as Gretchen snuggled closer and held her tightly. "I won't do it again."

  "Do you sit around thinking up ways to impress me?"

  Carrie laughed. "If I'd been thinking I wouldn't have lost the feeling in my feet." Gretchen looked at her with concern. "I'm fine. What did you bring?"

  "Food, mostly. Is there room in your cooler?"

  "We'll make room."

  They both laughed at how much food they had when combined. "Maybe we should send out invitations for company," Gretchen suggested.

  "Sorry," Carrie said. ""I don't want to share you today."

  Gretchen sat between Carrie's legs, the blanket around them both as they drank coffee and watched the sun come up.

  "Did they give you a hard time last night?" Carrie wondered.

  "Some. But we worked it out."

  Carrie brushed blonde hair to the side and pressed her lips to the soft skin of her neck. "When do you have to go back?"

  "Before they start breaking camp tomorrow morning."

  Carrie almost cried with gratitude for a full 24 hours with Gretchen. She rested her cheek against Gretchen's shoulder and her heart filled with love. She knew she loved Gretchen. She had known during her run to camp the previous day, when her body and the universe had become one and the only thing that existed was her need to see her. She wanted to say the words out loud, but she somehow felt that Gretchen wasn't ready to hear them and she didn't want to jeopardize this last day together. Somehow, sometime, before Gretchen had to leave, she would say the words. She needed to say them.

  "What are you thinking about?"

  Carrie drew her awareness back into her body. "How lucky I am to be here with you." She smiled as Gretchen wiggled closer into her arms.

  "What did you bring for breakfast?"

  "Cold cereal with banana. Do you want some?"

  "Sure."

  Carrie quickly put it together and brought the bowl back to her.

  "Aren't you going to have some?" Gretchen asked.

  "I only brought one bowl and one spoon." At Gretchen's look of confusion, Carrie explained. "I want to be as close as possible to you. I want to share everything with you." G
retchen's hand came to her cheek and Carrie placed a kiss in it. "Is that weird?"

  "Yes," Gretchen grinned. "But it's a sweet kind of weird."

  Carrie let Gretchen control the spoon and ate when it was given to her. She made a second bowl using the last of the cereal and returned the favor. They let the fire die with the last of the morning chill and began to undress each other wordlessly. They lay together on the blanket, passion present but quiet and slowly learned each other all over again: feeling the curve of waist into hip; the tenderness of the back of a knee; the flexibility of fingers; the arch of a foot; the texture of throat; the shape of ears. They listened to each other's heartbeats and took each other's pulse.

  Gretchen was lying face down, arms stretched over her head and Carrie watched her hand as it softly stroked in a lazy rhythm from shoulder to ass. She pressed her lips to a bare shoulder before laying her cheek on the spot. She let her hand start making decisions and enjoyed the feeling of Gretchen's ass under her circling caresses. She listened to Gretchen's breathing and heart rate change as her fingers began to randomly dip farther and farther between her legs. She almost couldn't breathe when Gretchen deliberately spread her legs apart and Carrie took full advantage. Closing her eyes, she slid two fingers inside of Gretchen's moist heat and stroked in a gentle cadence.

  "Carrie?"

  Her awareness was focused on her hand and it was difficult to frame an answer. "Hmm?"

  "That feels really good."

  "Mm hmm."

  "Don't stop."

  Carrie nodded and completely lost track of anything outside of the sensations in her fingers. She couldn't tell when it was that Gretchen first began to raise her hips to meet her. When she realized how fully involved Gretchen was she moved to kneel between her open thighs and slid a third finger in as well.

  Gretchen rose to her hands and knees and began to writhe. Carrie's own desire mounted at the enjoyment Gretchen displayed and she reached forward to caress her swinging breasts. To feel a woman-this woman-taking pleasure from her with such abandonment brought Carrie's desire to a crescendo of emotion. She cried out in sync with Gretchen, the sound of her name ringing in her ears and followed Gretchen to the ground as she collapsed.